Skyscrapers

I love Cincinnati. Every time I see the beautiful skyline at night, when I'm coming home from a long trip I feel at peace. Over the river in Northern Kentucky, I can see the skyline from my kitchen window, and it almost looks mystical, like I'm looking at Oz or something.

The other weekend, I went downtown to a concert at our Fountain Square. I was like an hour and a half early, so I decided to take a walk around town. I decided to take the skywalk (public passage you can walk that connects to several buildings). While I was walking, in the midst of silence, I had some time to pause, pray, and reflect.


I remember when I was in High School, I really wanted to work in one of those skyscrapers. My career aspirations were as vague as my geometry class. I remember wanting to be a business man, and wanting to wear a suit everyday. I remember wanting my office to be in a skyscraper. I remember wanting to have a corner office, probably with my name etched on the door.

I was chasing an image, money and perhaps prestige. 

After graduating college, and working at a nonprofit, I realize now that my own definition of success has changed. Instead of chasing "stuff", which is always elusive, and always leaves you with wanting more, I want to chase after God, and people. I want to chase after love. 

Now I don't care about how much money I make. God will give me what I need to afford my living expenses. I would like to just pour out my compassion on people who need love the most; people who need to see light and hope. And that hope is Jesus! This makes me feel so much better, that I don't have to worry about making more money, or getting a job that sounds impressive, but that I can just run after God and love with all my heart.

Instead of chasing after more money, I want to chase after more love.

Jazz and Rain

How are you feeling?

Do you ever get asked this question, and you are just not really sure the answer? You may say fine, but you are not really. Or you may say "hanging in there" but you don't really feel stressed or overwhelmed?

Often times I don't really know how I'm feeling, and words possibly can't describe it.

I think things like Jazz and Rain describe feelings where words may not have an answer.

Right now I'm sitting back in my apartment listening to "Dave Brubeck's Greatest Hits" on Vinyl, watching the rain and quiet lightning outside my window. It definitely puts me in a pensive and reflective mood. It definitely does a great job evoking the unexplained feelings I may have.

For an introverted person, or maybe in us all, I think that we need to take the time to listen and not talk, be still amidst busyness, and reflect not react.

Are We Really That Different?

I went to a writers conference this past weekend in northeast Ohio. It was my first conference, and I was ready to network with other writers, and pick up some tips. The trip ended up being amazing! My favorite part wasn't necessarily the workshops (although they were great!) but it was more getting a chance to feel united with other writers. I met several new friends with diverse backgrounds. It was cool because after exchanging pleasantries with these conference goers, the next question was usually something along the lines of, "So what do you write?" I loved that perfect strangers can meet all in one building and have things in common. We all loved to write!

When I was younger, probably in middle school and high school, I had this mentality that I was vastly different from everyone else. I almost had this unspoken pride that I was more original and more unique than the common man. But I also felt lonely and alienated often during these years.

Are we really that different?

I really have started asking myself this question recently-usually ending up with the same answer: no not really. At this conference I befriended a retired engineer who had a cabin in Maine, and loved to fish. My story did not match that at all, but there we were united in the same room.

The Bible also talks about this idea of being united with other believers. Paul talks about in Ephesians that we should be of one body. The church, just one. Isn't that an amazing thought? We don't have to feel alienated and alone! Paul even says "From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work" (Eph 4:16 NIV). So we help each other grow, and build each other up because we are part of the same body.

What if you had a torn ligament and you just didn't take care of it??

Just like we take care of our body, we have to take care of each other! This makes me feel more connected to humanity than any other thought!

Hope this encourages!

Eric

Marriage, Anxiety, and Slobbery Pillows

For whatever reason, as I get into my late twenties, I am starting to become more anxious about marriage. Perhaps because it's becoming more realistic, and several friends around me are in this stage of life. Maybe it's because of the high divorce rate, and I want to make sure I find the right one.

In the past few weeks I've asked several of my married friends this one question:

"In marriage, do the rewards outweigh the obstacles?"

100% of them answered yes, and most of them an enthusiastic yes!

My qualitative research eased my mind a little bit, but then I keep thinking about being with someone for 50+ years, and I keep thinking about two imperfect people in their weakest moments, and all the arguments, and silent treatments. I keep thinking about this table full of women at the lunch table talking SMACK about their husbands, and how they practice buffoonery. I keep thinking about what happens when infatuation runs out, and romance fades. I keep thinking about an imperfect love between two people.

For whatever reason I have another crazy fear about marriage... I've never slept beside another person before (save for my brother growing up, where he would monopolize the bed!). A majority of the time I sleep on my stomach, and a lot of the times I wake up with slobber on my pillow. It's kind of gross to be honest with you. I'm trying to picture being married, and slobbering on my pillow like a helpless baby or something. What if my wife wakes up first and notices this disgrace? Or worse! What if I slobber on her hair or something! Then I will never hear the end of it! She will talk to all her lady friends the next day at work and say, "You'd never guess what my husband did!" Then I'd be rolled away as a circus act.

Being so preoccupied about this, I spoke to two friends, who are a young married couple. My buddy said that he slobbers all the time while he sleeps, and even accidentally slobbered on her! She played it off like it was no big deal.. She laughed at him, but the laughter wasn't cruel, it was endearing. That comforted me; I didn't see two people annoyed with each other, I saw two teammates and two friends.

I think more than anything I want a really good teammate in marriage. Someone who balances out my weaknesses. Someone who never belittles me, or makes fun of me to their friends. Someone who is a good collaborator with me. Someone who I can call best friend. I would like to find a love that goes beyond the "honeymoon stage", and I'd like to find a friendship that would last a lifetime.

Marriage is a perfect representation of Christ loving the church. I think real love has something to do more with sacrifice than it does teddy bears or roses. Christ loves us in our worst sin, and he died for us while we were still sinners. While his people were mocking Him and crucifying Him, all he could think about was forgiving them. I'm not sure if we will ever be able to measure up to His perfect love for us, but when I get married I sure am going to try to mirror this.

Jealousy

One of the worst feelings I've ever experiences was jealousy. I'm not just talking about your every day envy, wishing I had another guys new kicks, or new haircut. I'm talking more about an intense jealousy. One that burns inside, and hard to let go of.

I remember a while back, I was jealous of my best friend (of course it involved this other girl; one of those crazy love triangle situations). I remember feeling this incendiary jealousy towards my friend. I didn't want to feel this way towards him. He was my bro! He did nothing wrong! But that didn't stop this burning feeling on the inside. 

Then I got to thinking about something else. In the Bible, God's character is described as jealous: "How long, O Lord? Will you be angry forever? Will your jealousy burn like fire?' Psalm 78:58 NIV

When I look at versus like this it makes me realize something... If I felt a pain towards my best friend, God's pain must be even greater towards me when I don't give Him the proper attention and devotion. This concept alone makes me relate to God like nothing else. God loves us so much He sacrificed his son for us, while we were still sinning so that we could be with Him. He set us up to have the best life possible, and yet we continue to go down wrong paths. God pursues us, when we don't even know we need Him, and when we are so far gone. 

I always thought it was crazy in the Old Testament when God's chosen people kept on idolizing false gods, and running away from God. God's jealousy and wrath continue to grew, but He continued to have compassion and continued to pursue them (even when they were acting crazy!)

Like I said, this concept alone not only makes me relate to my Father more, but it also makes me want to draw closer to Him. I don't want God to experience a jealousy far greater than I experienced with my friend.