Black Coffee

This is the last week of 2015, which means it's a perfect time to reflect on this past year, and look forward to the new year...

As I dive into my late twenties, one change I realized I  made was drinking my coffee black. I'm not even sure why I've started this. It's usually on a week day morning when I'm rushing to work. I don't really care about adding taste to my coffee, I just need a warm drink to wake me up. The bitterness I welcome before I instruct and help dozens of adult learners. I start to really enjoy the taste of pure coffee. Sometimes now I order it in restaurants. My parents think I'm nuts, but I think this could be a subtle transition into turning more into an adult.

That's where I really start to reflect, as we are on the verge of 2016. Adulthood. It's one of those things where you never really know where the transition is. I thought I would feel more like an adult after college, or when I got my first "big boy job". I thought it might have occurred when I moved out on my own. The strangest thing is I still have the same thoughts, feelings, and disposition as I remember having back in the eighth grade. And I certainly wasn't an adult then!

This is an unusual time for me. I'm watching a lot of change happen, and I've never really been a big fan of change-both good and bad. As I sit back and sip my black coffee I just watch the people I'm closest to change all around me. One of my closest friends just had their first child! As I held little Samuel for the first time, I felt a tinge of joy and apprehension. Could I be next? Am I supposed to have one of these... soon???

Also another one of my best friends and his wife bought a house on the west side, and my twin brother and his wife are looking for houses. This brought another feeling of, should I be looking for one of those too? I mean my twin brother is! I have to keep up with the sibling rivalry!

Maybe adulthood happens when you get married, buy a house, or have a baby- junctures that I have yet to cross. But some of my friends would look at me incredulously saying how much I have changed in the past few years. Maybe we notice change in others, but not change in ourselves?

I am looking forward to what's ahead in 2016. I don't know what change is to come, but I know there is going to be change whether I like it or not.

Happy New Year Everyone!

Whispers in the Night

"Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper." 1 Kings 19: 11-12


Have you ever hoped for God to speak to you in a huge way? Like you're faced with a huge life decision, and you just wish God could show up with fanfare and let you know clearly which choice to make? I know I have. Especially here recently; the older I get I feel like the more confusing things get.


The above passage comes from 1 Kings in the Old Testament. Elijah is about to be in the presence of the Lord on this mountain. The Lord informs Elijah that he is about to pass by. While Elijah was waiting for the Lord, he came across a violent wind, an earthquake, and even fire. None of these phenomenon's revealed the Lord's presence though. Instead the Lord came in a gentle whisper.


I love this passage so much! It really speaks to me. It's insane to me that the Lord reveals himself in a gentle whisper, instead of something huge! A lot of times I wait for something huge, but all along as I'm waiting He is just right by me, closer than my next breath, and He is just whispering to me.


Do you ever hear His whisper? Not audibly maybe but a simple nudging, or just a sense. I know I sure have. In high school I remember creating these "get away" spots, when I was feeling bad, or lonely, or confused. I remember real late at night playing basketball at the bottom of my street by myself. I was just shooting hoops and talking to God, and I felt Him close by. I remember escaping to Tower Park, and in the woods praying, feeling, and listening. I remember in college feeling God's presence one night at midnight. I came back after a late bible study, and was starving. I went to Mcdonalds drive thru, and sat on the hood of my car just having a conversation with Him. After college, I remember this one Thursday night, I had an interview the next day. I went to another one of my get away spots with an awesome view of this airport and it's runaways. As I was looking at the stars, and watching planes take off, I was just praying to Him, nervous about this big interview. He comforted me.


Is He whispering to you in the night? What is He saying? You just have to listen real close. Don't expect something huge. While you are hoping, and waiting for something HUGE to happen, He is already gently whispering to you.

Lightning Bugs

I'm usually not a big fan of insects, but I can't help but to love lightning bugs in the summertime. Actually they may even be considered my favorite animal. Their anatomical makeup is very intriguing to me... how do they light up like that? Is it some form of communication, feeling, or is it something a little more physiological? While I will do a little more digging on these questions (I'm obviously not a science nerd), I have more sentiments towards these creatures that are more abstract.

Lightning bugs remind me of summertime. I remember collecting them in a jar when I was a kid. I remember seeing them all around when I was hiding during an intense game of Manhunt. While nostalgia always haunts me (refer to a previous post of mine Old Friends) I allow my thoughts to be entertained by warm childhood memories and dreams while I lay around my apartment in reflection.

A few nights ago I was with two of my good friends. My friend is lucky enough to have this secluded apartment next to this big field. During the night, this field is illuminated by thousands of lightning bugs fluttering about. I don't know which view is more of a sight the big night sky, or this field of fireflies. The stars and the lightning bugs battle for my gaze. While the three of us were on this small deck looking out into the vastness, I not only thought about the innocence of my youth, but I just felt so inspired and alive. Summer always promises romance, passion, adventure, and reckless abandon.

My friends and I were just laughing, swapping stories, sharing life, but sometimes we just all took the moment in. I know that I'll never get a chance to relive that moment again, and that I'll never be or feel this young again, and that there is no looking back, but I think I will remember that moment for a long time. I also think that there will be a future moment like that where I will get to laugh, or experience joy or youth or spontaneity.

In the middle of summer, we all find hidden treasures. They could be in the form of firecrackers on the fourth of July, feeling the humid air or walking along the shore. Or they could be in the form of little lightning bugs, collectively making a beautiful display that mimics the starry night.

On Relationships

Recently your introverted blogger has been pondering really tough questions about relationships, community, love, and loneliness. There has been several great things that has happened in the past few years, as I've been so humbled to be apart of weddings, and seeing brand new relationships formed. But I've also been there for breakups and heartache, and confusion and chaos. I've seen how relationships can change a man, and I've seen how pursuits of love gone awry can leave long lasting impressions much more lingering than the blistering heat of summer. After years of observation, here are some of my notes.

1. Loneliness is not alleviated by a person: In my endless quest for finding love, and in my observation of seeing so many relationships, I have come to realize that my loneliness isn't going to be cured by being in a relationship. I've seen friends in lonely marriages or relationships, I've seen frustration and anxiety from bad relationships that's been ten times more worse than my singleness or my loneliness. Each season in your life has it's ups and downs. The grass is always greener on the other side...

2. Human relationships will always be imperfect: Humans don't have the capacity to love. We need a Lord and Savior to understand what love is. God is love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4. Without God in the picture, there will never be this perfect love. Crushes wear off. Young love wears off. Honeymoon phase wears off. What's left is two imperfect humans bringing a chest full of baggage. We need a Lord to perfect this love.

3. Singleness is an opportunity: I just went on this crazy cool 100 mile bike ride where I spent much time praying and reflecting. I've got to be apart of so many cool opportunities where I might've missed out on if I have been in a relationship. I get to do so many cool things like volunteer, serve the church, invest time and energy in loving people, and a lot of it has to do with my singleness. I think if I was in a relationship I would be prone to worry or focus all my energies on pleasing her.

4. Loneliness is the absence of the spirit, not the absence of a person: God has taught me this while I was on my bike ride reflecting. I was miles away from family and friends. I was staying at a bed and breakfast at a new town knowing nobody. I did not feel loneliness however. I felt so close to God. "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10. Just being in communion with the Lord and the spirit is all I need when it comes to squelching loneliness.

5. I don't deserve my family and my friends: I went to Cleveland on a trip with my brother, and he said something like, "I don't deserve you or mom and dad, or my friends." and that really made me think. Neither do I. I have such a great family. My brother and my parents. They have been there with me through the good times and the bad. They have been so loving and nurturing, but also so challenging and inspiring. My friend group also has been truly a blessing. We have challenged each other spiritually, have been on multiple journeys, comforted each other, and celebrated with each other. I feel like it's constantly growing too, as I'm becoming less guarded and more open to sharing life with people.

Be thankful for the people you have in your life. Every season has its challenges, so don't waste time and energy hoping for the next season (hoping that you will be more happier, and less lonely). Continue to live and love, and if you're going to be searching for something, search for the Lord, and never give up.

Much love,

Eric

Swing Dancing

So there I was out swing dancing with a few friends. I haven't been in a year, and I was very rusty. The first hour was a beginners course, followed by 2 hours of open floor dance where all the professionals came out of the woodwork.

I danced a few rounds with the friends I was with, only using the arsenal of moves I learned at the beginners course (which wasn't very much). I noticed all around me were more advanced dancers, moving their partners off their feet and transitioning into different dance styles. As I sat down watching the heat rise on the dance floor, my confidence began to fall. I saw fancy foot work, smooth moves, and smiling faces.

I tried to branch out and dance with partners not in my group. Every time I picked a victim, I always warned them that I was a beginner. Followed by the warning I would ask for advice on new moves, since I only knew a few basic steps. Most of the girls told me that "they weren't really good at leading".

That's when it hit me all at once....

I had to be the leader...a confident leader. That's what these ladies wanted and needed. They wanted to be led. They were graceful and beautiful and had great moves, but they just needed someone to initiate the moves. All of these guys I saw on the dance floor were great leaders. I realized that's what I was missing. That's what I'm always missing. Confidence and Initiative.

Somehow I need to become a great leader. I need to develop confidence like all these dancers with their fancy shoes. I talked to this one guy, and he just said he's been doing it for years, and it just takes experiences. That's what they all said. Maybe so. Maybe I just need to put myself in situations that will develop my confidence and leadership ability.

Swing dancing reminds me a lot of life. It's one huge metaphor. I will keep trying, even though I may fall or look silly. I will keep trying.

Tying Ties

A few weeks ago I had this incredible opportunity at work to help one of my students find an outfit for his court appearance. This court date was to determine if he would get custody of one of his children, and he wanted to look presentable. I took him to the second floor where we store all of our clothing donations. Going in there, I was just going to have a seat, while he rummaged through outfits trying on clothes behind closed doors. But I had no idea that I was about to be his fashion advisor.

He tried on a few suits, that fitted awkwardly on his slim frame. I suggested a shirt (and shirt size) that would go well with the suit that he picked. He eagerly opened up the new brooks brothers shirt, and admired his new style. Then we looked at the ties. He gave me full confidence that I could pick out a tie that would match his outfit. I decided on a red one. Simple. Classic.

Then he said something that will always stick with me. He said, "I hope you know how to tie a tie, because I never learned. My dad never taught me."

It was such a cool moment. Here is this 30 year old, tatted up, lead a very rough life, and now is facing many obstacles. He had the humility to not only admit this, but also let me tie it for him, put it on, and button his top buttons on his shirt.

I had a few epiphanies at this moment; 1.) I realized how important the role of a father was. There are so many families with absent fathers (either physically or mentally). I met multiple families while working in social services where the father/husband/boyfriend just packed his bags and left. It's a very hard responsibility and these men aren't accepting the challenge! Men need to step up! We need real men to save families. Their roles range from tying ties to loving and respecting their wives, to providing financially and spiritually when work is SO exhausting and tough.

2.) I realized then, even though I am terrified, that I think I have what it takes to be a father. Here I was, tying a tie for this 30 year old who is trying to get his life back on track. I wasn't just tying his tie, I was being patient and kind with him. I was just being there. He later called me his big brother. It's just so crazy. I'm just so blessed.

Afterwards he started talking about his past life, and started talking negatively about himself. I just told him that God loved him. Even though I'm not aloud to share my faith at work, I had to tell him the truth.

He ended up gaining custody of his child, and now he walks to class proudly in his suit, along with other nice clothing that he got at our second hand clothing store. It's so cool watching him grow into a whole new person. God gets all the glory! Spending time with him that day was such an awesome moment. I don't think that I will ever forget it.

Ichthus

"It's a conversation for those who know about it, and a conversation for those who don't"



Last week I went to a Waffle house with a good friend of mine. Ironically enough, my friend and I were just talking about working out more now that the weather was getting nicer, and this night we were doing the opposite of that! But there's something about Waffle house that attracts me like a moth hovering over a porch light. Maybe it's the coffee or the greasy food. Maybe it's the cheap prices. Or maybe it's because of getting to meet awesome waitresses like Rita.

When our waitress noticed my friend and I praying before we dug into the heart attack specials, she commented that "you don't see that nowadays", and I think it made her hopeful for the younger generation. When I was finished eating, Rita cashed me out, and we began talking about our home churches, and about God.

After a short pause, I asked her if she liked her job, and she said without hesitation that she did. She said that Waffle house was her mission field, and that she uses this opportunity to tell people the good news! Then she pointed to my check, and I noticed that she drew an ichthus fish on it. She said the above statement, "it's a conversation for those who know about it, and a conversation for those who don't." I was just blown away. It's so cool how a little fish symbol means so much! I can feel instantly connected with someone, just by looking at the back of their car, or in this case, a restaurant bill. I then told her to stand her post, and keep up the good work.

I was just so encouraged that Rita, my sister in Christ, is on the mission field at Waffle house on Route 18. Now whenever I eat there, I can feel a little bit more confident that these patrons are hearing some good news.