Out of the Loop

One cold night in February, I went to a friend of mine's house warming party. When I say "a friend of mine's" he was really somewhere in-between an acquintance and a golf buddy. I've met him in my college days (still getting used to saying that past tense) at a campus ministry group. Well, he invited so many people to this house warming party from that group (50? 75? 100?), that I quickly resorted into shy mode when I arrived.

It was such an awkward and uncomfortable experience for me. People were scattered around the house in their own group: chatting, eating, or playing video games on the Wii. I floated around between groups, catching tail-end conversations... "So yeah thats why I never go skiing again." or, "so that was the best carrot cake I made!"  As I realized quickly that I didn't quite fit in to any group, or had nothing to contribute, I left early--texting a closer friend, to see what he was up to.

Being out of the loop is one of those feelings that just sucks. There's no other way to put it. Most of it could be in your head for sure. I think that's one thing the Devil likes to do, making us think that we have nothing to contribute to a group, and we are just not that important. I think also, the other party doesn't know that they are creating a clique. How do you tell them they are with out putting them on the defense?

You know what the worst part of it is though? It's when girlfriends get in the way. Sure they are still there to support you, and hang with you. But it's just never going to be the same. My buddy and his wife hang out with this new couple that they match-maked. Even though I consider the four of them good friends, and I'm sure they consider me one, they have their own little "double date" group, in which they hang out each week, eating wings, watching sports, playing cards etc. Even though I would love to hang with them, they don't openly invite me. Is it because I'm single? Is it because I would have nothing to contribute? I try to not let it bug me, but it does hurt.

So how do I conclude this blog? Maybe I should just continue to praise God, and pray for patience that my time will come when I can enjoy the company of a significant other. That way when all my good friends are out with their girlfriends, and other couples, I can just be with my girl, and not worry about loneliness, or feeling obsolete.

Or maybe I should just assign blame to girlfriends, and that they just ruin everything ;)

Talk with you all later! God bless!

Time Travel

If you had a time machine, where would you go? Would you go in the past to re-live your childhood; or maybe to tell yourself of future mistakes to avoid? Or would you go in the future, to see what your life is going to turn out like? I have pondered this question myself, and for many years I would tell you that I'd like to go back in time to re-live the golden days of my youth. But now, the curiosity and anticipation of my future is growing as things get more confusing at this point in my life. Now I would really love to visit myself in the future.

The exact problem I face today is blog posts like this. I spend way too much time thinking about the past and future. I tell people, "oh it would be cool to fastforward to when I'm 36. That way I can see my future self as a confident father figure, with a nice home, blah blah blah". The thing about it is, the journey getting there is the best part (and hardest). And I cant skip all that valuable time!

I don't know how to live in the present!

Living in the present is so important, because of this: living in the present is living. Life happens in the present. There's no such thing as the future, and the past no longer exist's. The present is all we have. So if I'm not living in the present... then I'm not living :(

I spend so much time reflecting, worrying, and not putting enough trust in the Lord, that sometimes I just feel like I'm in my own little orb, competely seperated from everyone else. My biggest enemy is the "What If" scenario. The "I could've done this" scenario is slightly in second place too. Past and Future. They always latch on to me and allow me not to live!

Now that I know what the problem is, that's step one of fixing it. I need to live in the present, trust in the Lord, relish in my experiences, and before I know it maybe I'll be the Dad who gets my kids ready for soccer games. I only hope they would be a better player than me... I only scored 1 goal in my 9 year career!

J.T.

"Goodnight you moonlight ladies,
 Rockabye sweet baby James.
Deep greens and blues are the colors I choose,
Won't you let me go down in my dreams,
and rockabye sweet baby James"
-James Taylor

This next Saturday, I'm going to see James Taylor perform live. What's the goal I want to get out of that night? To be transported into another world... or at least 'go to carolina in my mind'. You see, with James Taylor you can do just that. His sweet, pure voice, melodic sense, and beautiful guitar style captivated me a few years back, and I just became a JT fan for life!


"What kind of music do you listen to?"

Music has been a large part of life ever since I was about 14 years old when I picked up the trumpet. While most high schoolers were listening to Dave Matthews Band, or Blink 182, I was listening (and playing) to classical and jazz music. In college, my music taste increased. One day I would be listening to Miles Davis' Kind of Blue, the best jazz album of all time. While the next day I would be listening to the best band of all time The Eagles. I could really go on and on about their sound, and their genius but I will spare you. Then of course you throw JT into the mix, and I'm pretty much set for life. So basically, when someone asks me what music do I listen to, I can just say "old people music". Finding out that people my age don't share the same passion I do kind of makes me sad. It's like a dying art form, that I have to try to save or something.

Music... the universal language?

I think there are a few things that can unite nations. One being sports, another being music. I could go down to Latin America, and would have no clue what anyone is saying (I know my high school spanish teachers would kill me!), or even doing for that matter. But when I hear music down there at a bistro, or cafe. Or when I see people dancing at a club to music, I would get what's going on. I'm really not sure if I explained that well, or if my explanation did any justice. I just think that music has the ability to connect us all.

The only way I know how to end this post is to share some JT with you! Hope you enjoy!

Flirting

A couple of blog's back I made a promise that I was going to write about flirting. Well I find it appropriate to write about it on the month of Valentine's Day. This is a subject that I know little about, but love the idea so much! I think it's one of the best forms of communication. Its, at the same time, challenging, but easy as it comes naturally.

Below are a couple of examples of me trying to flirt with some customers when I was still in the restaurant industry. I was the cashier, so most of these customers come at me with money, and a full stomach.

Scenario 1

(Girl approaches the host stand, with her method of payment. She has a blue button down shirt under a black jacket)

Eric- Hey, do you work at a bank?
Girl- (looks at me very curiously and smiles) No, why?
Eric- I just saw the blue shirt, I thought you might've came from work or something. It looks like a bank uniform.

Now this was obviously a feeble attempt of breaking the ice with someone. But let's check out Scenario 2, a couple of months later...

Scenario 2

(two girls approach the hosting stand cashing out, while finishing their conversation they had as they were leaving. It's a half an hour after close, and they are the last customers for the night)

Me- (after the usual "how was everything?" and telling them how much it was) Now are you girls college age?
Girl A, and Girl B in unison - Yeah
Me- Oh cool, yeah I just graduated college back in May. Now Im trying to find something. I'm doing this for now.
Girl A- Yeah it's tough out there!
Me-It really is! I'm jealous of you guys for still being in school!
Girl A/B - (polite laughter)
Me-Alright have a good night!
Girl A/B in unison - You too.

They leave, but Girl B forgets her scarf at their booth. They drive away to the traffic light leading out to the main road. I look at the scarf I have in my hand, and look at the notoriously long traffic light out our windows with a toyota waiting patiently. I have to make a quick decision.... I run out in the freezing December cold with the scarf. I past our parking lot, tramble in the snow that leads to the street, and approach their car cautiously. They roll down their window in confusion, as I point to the scarf. 

Girl B-Oh thank you so much! That's so nice of you!
Me-Yeah no problem!

After a couple more smiles, nods, waves, and thank you's from her end, they drove away into the night.

Now was Scenario 2 a little better? Perhaps, but I didn't go the extra mile. What is the extra mile? What do all the cool Romeo's do out there? "Here's your scarf.. Now what's your number?"  or... "This will keep you warm.. but I know something else that will keep you warm!" I just don't understand. I always have these crazy stories such as these, and the anticipation always builds as I tell exact detail about everything. But 10 out of 10 times, my friends are always dissapointed when absolutely nothing happens at the end of the story. Do you want to know how "Scenario 2" ended? I went back to our restaurants front door because I had my closing duties to finish.. I only realized that I locked myself out, so I had to stand out there in the cold until my manager came by and let me in, laughing at me!

I always compared the art of flirting, and dating to a skill set that you either have or dont have. The hardest class I ever took in high school or college was my AP Computer Science class in high school. My buddy sitting right next to me breezed through it, while I barely managed to get by. My point is, I think the whole dating arena to me is like AP Computer Science. I just can't grasp it. While dating and flirting to others is a breeze.

I hope you enjoyed this edition to my blog! There will be more to come :)

God Bless,

Eric

I'm Loving It

Every January, a whole movement of people get inspired to loose weight and feel great. They vow to not eat junk food, exercise, and keep daily tabs of their calorie count. As the New Year is in full swing, I want to start drinking more water, and as the weather gets warmer, get more inspired to run and exercise. But I will tell you one thing I wont do: give up my Mickey D's.

When people ask me what my favorite restaurant is, I always say "my top two favorite restaurants are the Cheesecake Factory, and Mcdonalds" While I do it because I find this a funny juxtaposition, I also do it because it's true!

Alot of people give Mcdonalds a bad rap. Ever since the documentary film Super Size Me came out in 2004, people are almost riotous with pitch forks and torches when it comes to the restaurant. Actually when I watched Super Size Me in my high school Psychology class, I wanted to go there even more!

The truth of the matter is, you shouldn't go there when you are conscious about calories, dieting, and wanting to be in the best shape. That's why they create outrageously expensive sushi establishments, and whole food markets. But if you want something cheap, and good (without worrying about all the other stuff) then Mcdonalds might be a good option for you! Not only do I think their burgers, and fries are the best (compared to their fast food competitors) but their sweet tea is to die for! And I don't use that phrase that often! Even their regular pop is the best around! What do they put in it?

My new cravings at Mcdonalds is their new fruit and maple oatmeal for $1.99. This hot and creamy oatmeal, with a hint of maple is topped with fresh apple chunks, dried cranberries, and raisins (I know I sound like an ad). I'm hooked on this stuff! And best of all, it's healthy!

Now don't get me wrong, I love exercising. What I believe though is, as long as you stay active you can indulge once in a while in some fast food. I started taking up yoga and kickboxing at my local gym, spiced up with some cycling and running for later when it gets warmer. I even can kick butt in racquetball once I get motivated (and find a partner, sometimes the hardest part).

So for the New Year, get out there and stay active! I inspire you to eat right, and feel great! I'm just saying stop by Mcdonalds and try an oatmeal along with a sweet tea. You won't regret it!

How Do Two Worlds Become One?

Last weekend was the wedding of my very good friends. I was very honored to be the Best Man: a title that I find to be very important. Being apart of their lives in that capacity, I got to witness their relationship grow. And by that, I don't mean that everything was looked at through rosy glasses. There were some arguments, dissagreements, fights, and confusion. But through it all there was this enduring love that was relentless.

As they well know, as a single friend, I am obsessed with this question: "How do two worlds become one?" I have been tackling with this question for a long time now. It's even becoming a joke, as sometimes I like to become a parody of myself. (e.g. "How do two worlds become one?" I'd say in an exaggerated monotone voice, acting really contemplative!) What I mean by it though is... how do two people, with two different lives and backgrounds, join together and create a relationship (or in this case marriage!) I mean this is mindblowing! (wait I'm the only one who thinks it is? Okay then fine!)

My newly wed friends is the perfect antidote for what I'm talking about. They led two different lives, but throughout their 4 1/2 year relationship somehow they managed to blend their lives together in a perfect complementary blend. I always imagine the metaphor of soup or salad. The ingredients just mesh well together to create something wonderful!

You know how you always hear the phrase, "Opposites Attract"? Well that may be the case, but if they are POLAR opposites, then it would be like oil and water getting together. Or insert another metaphor here. If I meet a girl that loves to party, that would completely not work out for me, because I'm not about that at all. However if we look at the other side of the spectrum, being exactly the same won't work too well either. What would you learn? What new things would you experience?

Getting back to my favorite newly wed couple, they are exactly in the middle of this spectrum which is the perfect blend. How do you get to this point? Well it's all about compromise. His obsession with UK sports, cant override her desire to watch Glee, or another program. It also doesn't mean that she HAS to sit there and watch UK with him. While he watches sports with his grandparents (also avid wildcat fans) she can have a friend over the house and they can play with her new sewing machine. It's just all about the compromise.

While there can be a simple solution to creating that perfect complimentary blend by compromising, I still find it very difficult to find someone that has the potential to create that perfect blend with me.

So while I end this blog, and ask myself the question "How do two worlds become one?" let me continue to ponder on that contemplatively stroking my imaginary beard.

Invisibility

When I was a kid, I often thought it would be cool to have the super power of invisibility. I dont know why really, I just thought it would be cool. Perhaps being invisible on demand would be cool. But I do know that feeling invisible isn't. After graduation from college, I get this off and on feeling, and I can't really explain it. I know that there's God who loves me, and all my friends and family. But every so once in a while, I can't help to think that I'm vanishing. That people are forgetting about me.

Out with the old, In with the new

This phrase comes to mind alot when thinking about this feeling. When I said my goodbye's to NKU, and to my band fraternity, they were starting something new without me. They had to move on, meet new people, and form new connections. So whenever I visit my friends at NKU, there's always something new going on: New people hanging around them, or stories with new people and new scenarios. Sure I can try to catch up, and try to get involved as an alum, but I have to increase my efforts, or the train would just keep going without me.

What's even worse though is when I feel my own friends move on without me. I remember when me and my old co-workers got together to go bowling. When we were all working together we were known as the "three musketeers" and we were a little pack. When I bowled with them however, I realized that they've been forming a bond that was far too strong for me to feel apart of the musketeers anymore. I sat back at the table, trying to feel accomplished at my low 90's score, but I was far too distracted by my ol' co-worker friends (along with their mutual friend) having a sick connection! I wasn't about to break that bond.

Even my closer friends I sometimes feel like I'm obsolete. One hangs with his gf, and his work buddies. And while they share drinks on weekends, I pop in Fantasia (a christmas gift), in my basement curled up in my robe (another christmas gift). Another buddy is getting married, and we all know how marriage consumes your life! And yet another buddy, who I shared conversations just like this with frequently, is on to something new (aka a girlfriend! see a trend here?), and now we rarely talk to each other.

Sometimes I'd get on that dreaded Facebook just to see who's on, and who wants to chat. I see the newsfeed with everybody hanging out, and having fun. Then I try to chat with people, and as soon as I say "Hey whats up!! Haven't talked to you in a while!" they sign off. Or after a very short small talk session, they just sign off. Texting is even worse. You text someone to try to remain visible and current in their lives, but sometimes they don't even reply back! What's up with that??

A friend of mine the other night just told me, "after college you just got your career and your friends..." He was referring to the lack of drama and other crap you have to put up with in college, and was saying how rudimentary it becomes afterwards. I start a full time job in the next couple of weeks. My goal is to not get burried with work, and purposely become invisible. My goal is to continue to love and support my friends I do have and to cherish our time together. I also strive to meet new people and make new connections, as I really want to volunteer, and get my hands dirty with something. I think the best antidote for invisibilty though is to just think about how God loves me and wants to have a relationship with me. As I close out this half blog-half venting session, I want to use a bible verse that I would love to dwell on to get me out of this funk!

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! -Psalm 139: 17

Talk to ya later! God Bless!