Invisibility

When I was a kid, I often thought it would be cool to have the super power of invisibility. I dont know why really, I just thought it would be cool. Perhaps being invisible on demand would be cool. But I do know that feeling invisible isn't. After graduation from college, I get this off and on feeling, and I can't really explain it. I know that there's God who loves me, and all my friends and family. But every so once in a while, I can't help to think that I'm vanishing. That people are forgetting about me.

Out with the old, In with the new

This phrase comes to mind alot when thinking about this feeling. When I said my goodbye's to NKU, and to my band fraternity, they were starting something new without me. They had to move on, meet new people, and form new connections. So whenever I visit my friends at NKU, there's always something new going on: New people hanging around them, or stories with new people and new scenarios. Sure I can try to catch up, and try to get involved as an alum, but I have to increase my efforts, or the train would just keep going without me.

What's even worse though is when I feel my own friends move on without me. I remember when me and my old co-workers got together to go bowling. When we were all working together we were known as the "three musketeers" and we were a little pack. When I bowled with them however, I realized that they've been forming a bond that was far too strong for me to feel apart of the musketeers anymore. I sat back at the table, trying to feel accomplished at my low 90's score, but I was far too distracted by my ol' co-worker friends (along with their mutual friend) having a sick connection! I wasn't about to break that bond.

Even my closer friends I sometimes feel like I'm obsolete. One hangs with his gf, and his work buddies. And while they share drinks on weekends, I pop in Fantasia (a christmas gift), in my basement curled up in my robe (another christmas gift). Another buddy is getting married, and we all know how marriage consumes your life! And yet another buddy, who I shared conversations just like this with frequently, is on to something new (aka a girlfriend! see a trend here?), and now we rarely talk to each other.

Sometimes I'd get on that dreaded Facebook just to see who's on, and who wants to chat. I see the newsfeed with everybody hanging out, and having fun. Then I try to chat with people, and as soon as I say "Hey whats up!! Haven't talked to you in a while!" they sign off. Or after a very short small talk session, they just sign off. Texting is even worse. You text someone to try to remain visible and current in their lives, but sometimes they don't even reply back! What's up with that??

A friend of mine the other night just told me, "after college you just got your career and your friends..." He was referring to the lack of drama and other crap you have to put up with in college, and was saying how rudimentary it becomes afterwards. I start a full time job in the next couple of weeks. My goal is to not get burried with work, and purposely become invisible. My goal is to continue to love and support my friends I do have and to cherish our time together. I also strive to meet new people and make new connections, as I really want to volunteer, and get my hands dirty with something. I think the best antidote for invisibilty though is to just think about how God loves me and wants to have a relationship with me. As I close out this half blog-half venting session, I want to use a bible verse that I would love to dwell on to get me out of this funk!

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! -Psalm 139: 17

Talk to ya later! God Bless!