Prisoner of Hope

Return to your fortress, O prisoners of hope;
even now I announce that I will restore twice as much to you.
Zechariah 9:12

I often use a whole line of prison metaphors to sometimes describe my feelings. "I need to break free" "I feel like I'm in a prison", "Lord get me out of here!"

The thing is I do feel like a prisoner! A prisoner of worry, fear, and discouragement. I feel like I need to break free from it all, before I can realize my true potential. I feel like I have alot to offer, but I can't do anything because I'm in this prison.

Maybe I dont need to break free. Maybe I just need to become a prisoner of hope. I'd constantly look on the bright side, and I'd constantly have a smile on my face. "Eric, your car just broke down, why are you smiling??", "Eric you're working 50 hours a week, but you never complain or seem groggy!" I couldnt help it because I'd be a prisoner of hope.

I got this idea from the minister/author Joel Osteen, in his book It's Your Time. This book lifted me up, as every other sentence was inspiring! Another idea he was talking about was the fact that we are "closer than we think" to our goals and dreams. Even though things might seem tough now, that might mean we are even closer! He gave the example of a pregnancy, and how the first couple months arent too bad, but then it just keeps on getting worse. But then obviously things get dramatically better when you hold your child in the hospital for the first time.

I just thought I'd share this inspirational message, as it's been on my mind lately. Until next time... Keep on hoping and praying!

Advice

Be quick to listen, slow to speak...
-James 1:19

Advice to me is like a double edged sword; it could really help you, encourage you, and build you up, or it can confuse you, and tear you down. Alot of my friends rag on me for not taking their advice. It's actually becoming more like a joke really, "oh, I dont know why I'm wasting my breath, I know you're not going to take it!" they all say.

Sometimes though, I dont even ask for it! I just need a listening ear. Take this example for instance...

Me- "Hey guys, I'm really excited about my paper I'm writing for my english class. It's going to be a 10 page paper on the mythological, and religious aspects of star wars! Here's the thesis I came up with...."

Friend A - "Ahh man, that thesis is wrong! You should really focus more on..."

Me - "No I dont know, I think this could work. I was getting excited about it!"

Friend B - "No Eric, Friend A is right! That won't work!"

Friend A- "Yeah, you ask for our advice, and you don't take it!" 

Situations like this, their input is fine, but I wasn't asking for any advice! Alot of times, I think, people mistake "need a listening ear" for "need someone to sweep in and fix the situation!" Sometimes I go away from these 'therapy sessions' feeling more confused and frustrated, because the person would be opinionated, brash, or tell me something that is completely from left field!

I think listening is the best form of "advice" you can give someone. We really just need to talk our problems out for a couple of hours with someone else encouraging, presenting ideas, praying, and supporting. Maybe after a couple of hours, we would figure out the answer ourselves. Which leads me to the next point!

The best person that could give us advice, is ourselves. If you think about it our situation's are so unique and so personalized, that others might have a hard time to decipher the problem and relate to it. Sometimes when I ask for advice to friends, I feel like they are saying "oh thats easy Eric! It's like stealing candy from a baby! All you do is...."  But they just have no idea! It would be so cool if I could discuss my problems with another version of myself. Possibly even my future self. Maybe he would have a monotone, and an annoying slight resemblence of Obama, but the difference would be he would be wiser.

Life Without Fear

Their eyes are red and mechanical,
their wings are propellers.
They creep and crawl like spiders,
they fly like japenese beetles.
I try to drink my coke,
I try to eat my potato salad.
But I can feel it buzzing around.
My stomach turns upside down.

This is a poem I JUST NOW made up for this blog about fear. What I'm referring to is my extreme phobia of wasps (throw in hornets, bees, and anything that looks like them as well) In fifth grade, Mrs. Stephenson made the comment on the first day of school "we have a wasp problem in this room, so thats why we have this spray right here" I didn't really think about it too much at the time, because all my nerves were focused on the first day. But I remember that spring, my desk was right infront of a window, with a wasp CONSTANTLY crawling around on it. It was awful. While everyone else was concentrating on their math problems, or learning about Francis Scott Key, I was too busy with my paranoia about the wasp behind me. Where was it? Was it getting closer? Was it going to fly on my papers and sting me? No. It was probably just going to sit there menacingly!

The truth is, fear runs my life. Benjamin Franklin said "There's nothing to fear, but fear itself" and he's right on the money. Fear traps me in the corner, and doesnt let me go. It robs me of my happiness. Fear of new challenges, and words like "fast paced, multi tasking" doesnt help when I apply for jobs. Fear of rejection, and fear of change helps me to become perpetually single. It even comes down to fear of wasps/bees/everything becomes a barrier for me when I think about being a father. I mean I dont wanna be a wimpy father!* Here's an example to describe what I'm talking about: My son and I are at the park, and I flip out because of a wasp flying by or something. My son would be like "Dad, what are you sooo afraid of??" as he proceeds to hit the wasp with his fisher price baseball bat, and stomp on it with his size 7 shoes. I mean that would be humiliating! (* see the blog "Manhood" for more on this topic!)

What if life was without fear? Wouldn't that be awesome? I would never have to worry about wasps or bees again. I'm with this small group at church, and we are studying Max Lucado's book "Fearless". And he poses this thought provoking reflection: imagine life without fear. What if our response to threats was faith not fear?

So I think there is something bigger at play here. What if all my fears, worries, insecurities, problems, etc has something to do with my relationship with God, and my lack of faith that He'll provide? That story when Jesus is sleeping on the boat, and his disciples are freaking out over a great storm is a perfect picture of this. Jesus wakes up and says, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Mat 8:26.

Seriously why am I so afraid? This is the crux of the matter I tell you, and this is one example, out of many why I'm not deserving of His grace. I also argue that worry and fear are twin brothers. I'm all worried now at this time because I'm just so confused about my future. "Oh you of little faith!" Jesus is saying to me.

I am constantly a work in progress. I really need to have some more faith!

Showers and Ice Cream

I was running with a friend the other week (btw, running with a friend is sooo much easier than by yourself!), and he was telling me that he was going to hop in the shower afterwards, before he went out again. I told him I was going to do the same. The crazy part was, I was actually really looking forward to simmering down in a nice hot shower after an intense run! There's something I find so therapeutic about it! If using water was free, I would take at least 3 a day!

What I told my buddy afterwards though was something like, "Yeah, the only two things I really need are showers and ice cream. Then I should be good to go!" We both kind of chuckled, but it really got me to thinking.

The larger point I'm trying to make though is, I'm a man of simple things. I consider eating food, especially ice cream, one of my hobbies. Pumpkin ice cream during the fall is even BETTER! I love going to starbucks and just take in all the ambience of smooth jazz, and murmurs of quiet conversation. I love when I cup my hands over my grande carmel apple spice (without the cardboard 'caution this beverage is hot' thing) and then after a moment touch my cheeks with my warm hands. I love having conversations with friends in which you can feel the bond. I love my solitary walks/bike rides in which I get to talk with God, and just enjoy my surroundings (sometimes I spontaneously decide to go on a nature trail, facing my fears against whatever lurks in the woods.. i.e.  A BUCK with 12 point antlers!).

Sometimes I think our fast paced society can't enjoy the moment. They constantly have things going on, people to see, parties to go to. Don't even get me started on "Oh Eric, you have to drink and party to have a good time!" What's wrong with actually getting to know people who arent under the influence? What's wrong with just watching a really good movie with some close friends? Nothing.

I think Mr. Hyunh, a character from the best Nickelodian show of all time Hey Arnold, said it best (or sang it best). Remember the episode when he becomes a famous country music star? It was all about the simple things. ( sorry it's just an audio, but awesome nonetheless :) )

Manhood

"How many roads must a man walk down, before you call him a man?"
-Bob Dylan

It's funny how I've been minorly obsessed with this topic that is sooo ill defined. To make myself more clear, here is the "6 Steps of Manhood" I came up with for an Advanced Public Speaking course I took....

6 Steps of Manhood

1. 
   
   Basic Car Maintenance (changing flat tire, etc)
2. 
   
   Learning how to Grill
3. 
   
   Dont know
4. 
   
   Dont know
5. 
   
   Dont know
6. 
   
   Hanging Dry Wall

So according to this list, I'm not a man until I hang drywall! Ahh! That can't be the case. So what is it then? I guess one of the reasons I question my manhood is the amount of time I DONT spend shaving, how I secretly (or I guess, not so secretly) watch the bachelor/bachelorette, and how I have an extreme phobia of wasps (while REAL MEN crush them with their hands and throw the remains in the trash!).

But even when you talk about all those things, I could make the argument that I'm a man because I shot a 12 gauge shotgun right?

Overall though I think I continually think about this quest for manhood because deep down, I think it has to do with being a man of God, being a good father (with all the fruits of the spirit), and being a good husband. My father portrays this picture beautifully! If I ever become half the man he is then I would be a great man, great father, and great husband. Right now though, I'm so far from that. I'm not just talking about being soo far from marriage (never having a gf, yikes!), and having kids and what not, but I think I also need to gain the fruits of the spirit and be a true man of God.



Post Graduation Blues??

PLEASE tell me that I'm not the only one suffering from this phenomenon? We go to school all of our lives, and then we are kicked to this curb called 'the real world' where everyone has ties, and mean scowls!

So far my experiences don't even include interviews! I'm fresh out of college, and on the job hunt (with seemingly no end in sight!) I apply for stuff that requires experience (you need experience to get experience!) and then I go to all these job fairs, which I get scared when some salesman type guy with a pink tie approaches me. No thanks, I'll go to that booth where they have cool looking stress balls.

So I come to the conclusion that I suffer from "Post Graduation Blues". Imagine, if you will, this scene. The end of August comes, and a majority of my friends go back to school, while others go to their careers. I'm in this crazy limbo where I have NEITHER. It's actually more of a pseudo retirement life... While I go out of the house to grab a bite to eat, exercise, or go to my local library, I'm surrounded by seniors! I guess it doesn't help that the library is conveniently right by a nursing home BUT STILL.

As I'm on this job hunt, there are a few things that I'm trying to combat these blues: try new hobby's, have lunch with friends, and don't be way too obsessive about applying for jobs. As far as new hobby's go, I've been trying to run recently. Running is great. The only problem is I'm terrible at it! Do you run with just your toes, or do your heels touch too? IDK.

I think the best advice though comes from above. My mother gave me this card for graduation that said:

In the ever-changing circumstances of life, there is a faithful, never-changing God in control

And then finally, this verse from Proverbs always makes me feel better:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5

Isn't that comforting! Why should I have blues after hearing that? In the grand scheme of things, thats really all the advice you need :)