One cold night in February, I went to a friend of mine's house warming party. When I say "a friend of mine's" he was really somewhere in-between an acquintance and a golf buddy. I've met him in my college days (still getting used to saying that past tense) at a campus ministry group. Well, he invited so many people to this house warming party from that group (50? 75? 100?), that I quickly resorted into shy mode when I arrived.
It was such an awkward and uncomfortable experience for me. People were scattered around the house in their own group: chatting, eating, or playing video games on the Wii. I floated around between groups, catching tail-end conversations... "So yeah thats why I never go skiing again." or, "so that was the best carrot cake I made!" As I realized quickly that I didn't quite fit in to any group, or had nothing to contribute, I left early--texting a closer friend, to see what he was up to.
Being out of the loop is one of those feelings that just sucks. There's no other way to put it. Most of it could be in your head for sure. I think that's one thing the Devil likes to do, making us think that we have nothing to contribute to a group, and we are just not that important. I think also, the other party doesn't know that they are creating a clique. How do you tell them they are with out putting them on the defense?
You know what the worst part of it is though? It's when girlfriends get in the way. Sure they are still there to support you, and hang with you. But it's just never going to be the same. My buddy and his wife hang out with this new couple that they match-maked. Even though I consider the four of them good friends, and I'm sure they consider me one, they have their own little "double date" group, in which they hang out each week, eating wings, watching sports, playing cards etc. Even though I would love to hang with them, they don't openly invite me. Is it because I'm single? Is it because I would have nothing to contribute? I try to not let it bug me, but it does hurt.
So how do I conclude this blog? Maybe I should just continue to praise God, and pray for patience that my time will come when I can enjoy the company of a significant other. That way when all my good friends are out with their girlfriends, and other couples, I can just be with my girl, and not worry about loneliness, or feeling obsolete.
Or maybe I should just assign blame to girlfriends, and that they just ruin everything ;)
Talk with you all later! God bless!
