Lightning Bugs

I'm usually not a big fan of insects, but I can't help but to love lightning bugs in the summertime. Actually they may even be considered my favorite animal. Their anatomical makeup is very intriguing to me... how do they light up like that? Is it some form of communication, feeling, or is it something a little more physiological? While I will do a little more digging on these questions (I'm obviously not a science nerd), I have more sentiments towards these creatures that are more abstract.

Lightning bugs remind me of summertime. I remember collecting them in a jar when I was a kid. I remember seeing them all around when I was hiding during an intense game of Manhunt. While nostalgia always haunts me (refer to a previous post of mine Old Friends) I allow my thoughts to be entertained by warm childhood memories and dreams while I lay around my apartment in reflection.

A few nights ago I was with two of my good friends. My friend is lucky enough to have this secluded apartment next to this big field. During the night, this field is illuminated by thousands of lightning bugs fluttering about. I don't know which view is more of a sight the big night sky, or this field of fireflies. The stars and the lightning bugs battle for my gaze. While the three of us were on this small deck looking out into the vastness, I not only thought about the innocence of my youth, but I just felt so inspired and alive. Summer always promises romance, passion, adventure, and reckless abandon.

My friends and I were just laughing, swapping stories, sharing life, but sometimes we just all took the moment in. I know that I'll never get a chance to relive that moment again, and that I'll never be or feel this young again, and that there is no looking back, but I think I will remember that moment for a long time. I also think that there will be a future moment like that where I will get to laugh, or experience joy or youth or spontaneity.

In the middle of summer, we all find hidden treasures. They could be in the form of firecrackers on the fourth of July, feeling the humid air or walking along the shore. Or they could be in the form of little lightning bugs, collectively making a beautiful display that mimics the starry night.

On Relationships

Recently your introverted blogger has been pondering really tough questions about relationships, community, love, and loneliness. There has been several great things that has happened in the past few years, as I've been so humbled to be apart of weddings, and seeing brand new relationships formed. But I've also been there for breakups and heartache, and confusion and chaos. I've seen how relationships can change a man, and I've seen how pursuits of love gone awry can leave long lasting impressions much more lingering than the blistering heat of summer. After years of observation, here are some of my notes.

1. Loneliness is not alleviated by a person: In my endless quest for finding love, and in my observation of seeing so many relationships, I have come to realize that my loneliness isn't going to be cured by being in a relationship. I've seen friends in lonely marriages or relationships, I've seen frustration and anxiety from bad relationships that's been ten times more worse than my singleness or my loneliness. Each season in your life has it's ups and downs. The grass is always greener on the other side...

2. Human relationships will always be imperfect: Humans don't have the capacity to love. We need a Lord and Savior to understand what love is. God is love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4. Without God in the picture, there will never be this perfect love. Crushes wear off. Young love wears off. Honeymoon phase wears off. What's left is two imperfect humans bringing a chest full of baggage. We need a Lord to perfect this love.

3. Singleness is an opportunity: I just went on this crazy cool 100 mile bike ride where I spent much time praying and reflecting. I've got to be apart of so many cool opportunities where I might've missed out on if I have been in a relationship. I get to do so many cool things like volunteer, serve the church, invest time and energy in loving people, and a lot of it has to do with my singleness. I think if I was in a relationship I would be prone to worry or focus all my energies on pleasing her.

4. Loneliness is the absence of the spirit, not the absence of a person: God has taught me this while I was on my bike ride reflecting. I was miles away from family and friends. I was staying at a bed and breakfast at a new town knowing nobody. I did not feel loneliness however. I felt so close to God. "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10. Just being in communion with the Lord and the spirit is all I need when it comes to squelching loneliness.

5. I don't deserve my family and my friends: I went to Cleveland on a trip with my brother, and he said something like, "I don't deserve you or mom and dad, or my friends." and that really made me think. Neither do I. I have such a great family. My brother and my parents. They have been there with me through the good times and the bad. They have been so loving and nurturing, but also so challenging and inspiring. My friend group also has been truly a blessing. We have challenged each other spiritually, have been on multiple journeys, comforted each other, and celebrated with each other. I feel like it's constantly growing too, as I'm becoming less guarded and more open to sharing life with people.

Be thankful for the people you have in your life. Every season has its challenges, so don't waste time and energy hoping for the next season (hoping that you will be more happier, and less lonely). Continue to live and love, and if you're going to be searching for something, search for the Lord, and never give up.

Much love,

Eric

Swing Dancing

So there I was out swing dancing with a few friends. I haven't been in a year, and I was very rusty. The first hour was a beginners course, followed by 2 hours of open floor dance where all the professionals came out of the woodwork.

I danced a few rounds with the friends I was with, only using the arsenal of moves I learned at the beginners course (which wasn't very much). I noticed all around me were more advanced dancers, moving their partners off their feet and transitioning into different dance styles. As I sat down watching the heat rise on the dance floor, my confidence began to fall. I saw fancy foot work, smooth moves, and smiling faces.

I tried to branch out and dance with partners not in my group. Every time I picked a victim, I always warned them that I was a beginner. Followed by the warning I would ask for advice on new moves, since I only knew a few basic steps. Most of the girls told me that "they weren't really good at leading".

That's when it hit me all at once....

I had to be the leader...a confident leader. That's what these ladies wanted and needed. They wanted to be led. They were graceful and beautiful and had great moves, but they just needed someone to initiate the moves. All of these guys I saw on the dance floor were great leaders. I realized that's what I was missing. That's what I'm always missing. Confidence and Initiative.

Somehow I need to become a great leader. I need to develop confidence like all these dancers with their fancy shoes. I talked to this one guy, and he just said he's been doing it for years, and it just takes experiences. That's what they all said. Maybe so. Maybe I just need to put myself in situations that will develop my confidence and leadership ability.

Swing dancing reminds me a lot of life. It's one huge metaphor. I will keep trying, even though I may fall or look silly. I will keep trying.

Tying Ties

A few weeks ago I had this incredible opportunity at work to help one of my students find an outfit for his court appearance. This court date was to determine if he would get custody of one of his children, and he wanted to look presentable. I took him to the second floor where we store all of our clothing donations. Going in there, I was just going to have a seat, while he rummaged through outfits trying on clothes behind closed doors. But I had no idea that I was about to be his fashion advisor.

He tried on a few suits, that fitted awkwardly on his slim frame. I suggested a shirt (and shirt size) that would go well with the suit that he picked. He eagerly opened up the new brooks brothers shirt, and admired his new style. Then we looked at the ties. He gave me full confidence that I could pick out a tie that would match his outfit. I decided on a red one. Simple. Classic.

Then he said something that will always stick with me. He said, "I hope you know how to tie a tie, because I never learned. My dad never taught me."

It was such a cool moment. Here is this 30 year old, tatted up, lead a very rough life, and now is facing many obstacles. He had the humility to not only admit this, but also let me tie it for him, put it on, and button his top buttons on his shirt.

I had a few epiphanies at this moment; 1.) I realized how important the role of a father was. There are so many families with absent fathers (either physically or mentally). I met multiple families while working in social services where the father/husband/boyfriend just packed his bags and left. It's a very hard responsibility and these men aren't accepting the challenge! Men need to step up! We need real men to save families. Their roles range from tying ties to loving and respecting their wives, to providing financially and spiritually when work is SO exhausting and tough.

2.) I realized then, even though I am terrified, that I think I have what it takes to be a father. Here I was, tying a tie for this 30 year old who is trying to get his life back on track. I wasn't just tying his tie, I was being patient and kind with him. I was just being there. He later called me his big brother. It's just so crazy. I'm just so blessed.

Afterwards he started talking about his past life, and started talking negatively about himself. I just told him that God loved him. Even though I'm not aloud to share my faith at work, I had to tell him the truth.

He ended up gaining custody of his child, and now he walks to class proudly in his suit, along with other nice clothing that he got at our second hand clothing store. It's so cool watching him grow into a whole new person. God gets all the glory! Spending time with him that day was such an awesome moment. I don't think that I will ever forget it.

Ichthus

"It's a conversation for those who know about it, and a conversation for those who don't"



Last week I went to a Waffle house with a good friend of mine. Ironically enough, my friend and I were just talking about working out more now that the weather was getting nicer, and this night we were doing the opposite of that! But there's something about Waffle house that attracts me like a moth hovering over a porch light. Maybe it's the coffee or the greasy food. Maybe it's the cheap prices. Or maybe it's because of getting to meet awesome waitresses like Rita.

When our waitress noticed my friend and I praying before we dug into the heart attack specials, she commented that "you don't see that nowadays", and I think it made her hopeful for the younger generation. When I was finished eating, Rita cashed me out, and we began talking about our home churches, and about God.

After a short pause, I asked her if she liked her job, and she said without hesitation that she did. She said that Waffle house was her mission field, and that she uses this opportunity to tell people the good news! Then she pointed to my check, and I noticed that she drew an ichthus fish on it. She said the above statement, "it's a conversation for those who know about it, and a conversation for those who don't." I was just blown away. It's so cool how a little fish symbol means so much! I can feel instantly connected with someone, just by looking at the back of their car, or in this case, a restaurant bill. I then told her to stand her post, and keep up the good work.

I was just so encouraged that Rita, my sister in Christ, is on the mission field at Waffle house on Route 18. Now whenever I eat there, I can feel a little bit more confident that these patrons are hearing some good news.

Phileo

Love Jesus, Love like Jesus


I was out recently with some friends who started this ministry group handing out sack lunches to some homeless folks in our community. We stopped at one of our last stops-across the street from this popular marketplace. Intermingled with hungry college kids, and health conscious young professionals is this joyful singing man on the street. We've been visiting this man for 2 years, and listened to his golden pipes and bold street preaching. I'm really not sure what his full story is, but I know that he loves Jesus.

When he was finished saying his goodbyes to our group of about 8, he spotted me (a shy guy who usually listens to him in the background-admiring from afar), and asked how I was doing. After a minute of catching up he said, "I love you brother." He said this with such sincerity. As I looked at him, a man who looked nothing like me, having a mouth full of absent teeth and scraggly hair, I was in awe that real love breaks barriers of race and socioeconomics. Real love unites brothers and sisters of Christ. We are all one body!

I've been saying "I love you" a lot recently. Not only to family members, but to close friends among others like our singing friend. I'm an instructor at a job training program, and I really feel this love for my students. Even though there are some days I get frustrated, dealing with disobedience, or chronic absenteeism, I feel this "phileo" love that the Bible talks about. It's almost this unconditional love; I'm not going to say that this love is perfect, because I still am trying to figure out the mystery of the perfect love of God. But it may be as close as perfect as things will get here on earth. And I wouldn't say I was like this a year or two ago.

God is so good. He has taught me so much recently. I just love everyone that God has surrounded me with, and just people in general. I hope we can all really dig into scripture and discover what real love looks like.

With love,

Eric