Crying

I remember when I was six years old, and I fell down to the hard sidewalk. My knee was gushing with blood, and I just starting bawling! It seems to me though that I fell alot when I was a kid. Especially during the terrible two's, you see those toddlers fall (actually sometimes it's quite funny), and they have this 3 second delayed reaction, and then they start crying.

When we get older, we don't cry during physical falls anymore, but we still cry during falls. When we get older, there are so many other things that make us emotional, and that we worry and stress over. For me, I bundle up my emotions inside, and sometimes this "grenade" that I create just goes off, and I loose it!

In the Bible it mentions how we should be like the children are. I think in a lot of ways we are children, especially in God's eyes. Whenever I cry, and sometimes even bawl, I often pray too, and those are the moments at times where I feel God's presence the most, and where I just feel the most vulnerable.

That's why I think in alot of ways a good cry is needed every now and then. It makes me feel like I'm more of a child, and makes me feel more dependent on my Father. And I think that's the way it should be.

Now, I have to admit at this point, I think I cry more than the average guy. But I don't care, I'm not going to hide under this "macho" shell or anything like alot of guys do. To end this blog, I would like to share with you a clip that made me cry uncontrollably. It's the last scene from the movie Rudy, where he finally gets a chance to play for Notre Dame, his dream. I think that everybody connects with an underdog story, and this is the best one out there. I guess I connected with it a little too much!

Enjoy! :)

What Do They Got, That I Don't Got?

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the pain
Some guys have all the breaks
Some guys do nothing but complain
-Rod Stewart


Throughout the last couple of years, I've constantly had these three goals in my head...

1) Independence
2) A Career
3) A Significant Other

Now, as I look around my peer groups, I realize all around me that alot of them have this. One friend has independence (aka bachelor pad), and a good career. Another friend not only has a signficant other, but he's on the cusp of getting married. I often tell my friends that their successes are my successes, and how I love watching them accomplish their goals and dreams. But sometimes, theres that question that always arises, "what do they got, that I dont got?"

This blog isnt going to be a laundry list of my complaints, and vendetta's against the lucky. In fact it's going to be about my candor and convictions. Tonight, I want to talk about one of, what I think, the worst feelings: Jealousy.

Jealousy doesnt allow me to share my friends successes. Instead it just allows me to wallow up in anger and loneliness. Sometimes (well, maybe even most of the time) I have jealousy as a default response. Let's say my friend gets in a relationship. Instead of my first reaction being joy, and happiness, wanting to wish my friend the best, theres that slight reaction of jealousy, and almost even anger. But anger at what? Myself? Society? or worse... God?

Jealousy is something that I need to get rid of to become more emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Again I feel as if its one of the worst feelings in the world, and its one of those sins that I have trouble with.

So instead of thinking, "well what do they got, that I dont got?" I just want to vanquish jealousy, and say "wow, im so glad they're doing well, and I'm so glad to share they're excitement! let's all go to Olive Garden! I'm buying!" :)