Recently your introverted blogger has been pondering really tough questions about relationships, community, love, and loneliness. There has been several great things that has happened in the past few years, as I've been so humbled to be apart of weddings, and seeing brand new relationships formed. But I've also been there for breakups and heartache, and confusion and chaos. I've seen how relationships can change a man, and I've seen how pursuits of love gone awry can leave long lasting impressions much more lingering than the blistering heat of summer. After years of observation, here are some of my notes.
1. Loneliness is not alleviated by a person: In my endless quest for finding love, and in my observation of seeing so many relationships, I have come to realize that my loneliness isn't going to be cured by being in a relationship. I've seen friends in lonely marriages or relationships, I've seen frustration and anxiety from bad relationships that's been ten times more worse than my singleness or my loneliness. Each season in your life has it's ups and downs. The grass is always greener on the other side...
2. Human relationships will always be imperfect: Humans don't have the capacity to love. We need a Lord and Savior to understand what love is. God is love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." 1 Corinthians 13:4. Without God in the picture, there will never be this perfect love. Crushes wear off. Young love wears off. Honeymoon phase wears off. What's left is two imperfect humans bringing a chest full of baggage. We need a Lord to perfect this love.
3. Singleness is an opportunity: I just went on this crazy cool 100 mile bike ride where I spent much time praying and reflecting. I've got to be apart of so many cool opportunities where I might've missed out on if I have been in a relationship. I get to do so many cool things like volunteer, serve the church, invest time and energy in loving people, and a lot of it has to do with my singleness. I think if I was in a relationship I would be prone to worry or focus all my energies on pleasing her.
4. Loneliness is the absence of the spirit, not the absence of a person: God has taught me this while I was on my bike ride reflecting. I was miles away from family and friends. I was staying at a bed and breakfast at a new town knowing nobody. I did not feel loneliness however. I felt so close to God. "Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast." Psalm 139:7-10. Just being in communion with the Lord and the spirit is all I need when it comes to squelching loneliness.
5. I don't deserve my family and my friends: I went to Cleveland on a trip with my brother, and he said something like, "I don't deserve you or mom and dad, or my friends." and that really made me think. Neither do I. I have such a great family. My brother and my parents. They have been there with me through the good times and the bad. They have been so loving and nurturing, but also so challenging and inspiring. My friend group also has been truly a blessing. We have challenged each other spiritually, have been on multiple journeys, comforted each other, and celebrated with each other. I feel like it's constantly growing too, as I'm becoming less guarded and more open to sharing life with people.
Be thankful for the people you have in your life. Every season has its challenges, so don't waste time and energy hoping for the next season (hoping that you will be more happier, and less lonely). Continue to live and love, and if you're going to be searching for something, search for the Lord, and never give up.
Much love,
Eric
