How Do Two Worlds Become One?

Last weekend was the wedding of my very good friends. I was very honored to be the Best Man: a title that I find to be very important. Being apart of their lives in that capacity, I got to witness their relationship grow. And by that, I don't mean that everything was looked at through rosy glasses. There were some arguments, dissagreements, fights, and confusion. But through it all there was this enduring love that was relentless.

As they well know, as a single friend, I am obsessed with this question: "How do two worlds become one?" I have been tackling with this question for a long time now. It's even becoming a joke, as sometimes I like to become a parody of myself. (e.g. "How do two worlds become one?" I'd say in an exaggerated monotone voice, acting really contemplative!) What I mean by it though is... how do two people, with two different lives and backgrounds, join together and create a relationship (or in this case marriage!) I mean this is mindblowing! (wait I'm the only one who thinks it is? Okay then fine!)

My newly wed friends is the perfect antidote for what I'm talking about. They led two different lives, but throughout their 4 1/2 year relationship somehow they managed to blend their lives together in a perfect complementary blend. I always imagine the metaphor of soup or salad. The ingredients just mesh well together to create something wonderful!

You know how you always hear the phrase, "Opposites Attract"? Well that may be the case, but if they are POLAR opposites, then it would be like oil and water getting together. Or insert another metaphor here. If I meet a girl that loves to party, that would completely not work out for me, because I'm not about that at all. However if we look at the other side of the spectrum, being exactly the same won't work too well either. What would you learn? What new things would you experience?

Getting back to my favorite newly wed couple, they are exactly in the middle of this spectrum which is the perfect blend. How do you get to this point? Well it's all about compromise. His obsession with UK sports, cant override her desire to watch Glee, or another program. It also doesn't mean that she HAS to sit there and watch UK with him. While he watches sports with his grandparents (also avid wildcat fans) she can have a friend over the house and they can play with her new sewing machine. It's just all about the compromise.

While there can be a simple solution to creating that perfect complimentary blend by compromising, I still find it very difficult to find someone that has the potential to create that perfect blend with me.

So while I end this blog, and ask myself the question "How do two worlds become one?" let me continue to ponder on that contemplatively stroking my imaginary beard.

Invisibility

When I was a kid, I often thought it would be cool to have the super power of invisibility. I dont know why really, I just thought it would be cool. Perhaps being invisible on demand would be cool. But I do know that feeling invisible isn't. After graduation from college, I get this off and on feeling, and I can't really explain it. I know that there's God who loves me, and all my friends and family. But every so once in a while, I can't help to think that I'm vanishing. That people are forgetting about me.

Out with the old, In with the new

This phrase comes to mind alot when thinking about this feeling. When I said my goodbye's to NKU, and to my band fraternity, they were starting something new without me. They had to move on, meet new people, and form new connections. So whenever I visit my friends at NKU, there's always something new going on: New people hanging around them, or stories with new people and new scenarios. Sure I can try to catch up, and try to get involved as an alum, but I have to increase my efforts, or the train would just keep going without me.

What's even worse though is when I feel my own friends move on without me. I remember when me and my old co-workers got together to go bowling. When we were all working together we were known as the "three musketeers" and we were a little pack. When I bowled with them however, I realized that they've been forming a bond that was far too strong for me to feel apart of the musketeers anymore. I sat back at the table, trying to feel accomplished at my low 90's score, but I was far too distracted by my ol' co-worker friends (along with their mutual friend) having a sick connection! I wasn't about to break that bond.

Even my closer friends I sometimes feel like I'm obsolete. One hangs with his gf, and his work buddies. And while they share drinks on weekends, I pop in Fantasia (a christmas gift), in my basement curled up in my robe (another christmas gift). Another buddy is getting married, and we all know how marriage consumes your life! And yet another buddy, who I shared conversations just like this with frequently, is on to something new (aka a girlfriend! see a trend here?), and now we rarely talk to each other.

Sometimes I'd get on that dreaded Facebook just to see who's on, and who wants to chat. I see the newsfeed with everybody hanging out, and having fun. Then I try to chat with people, and as soon as I say "Hey whats up!! Haven't talked to you in a while!" they sign off. Or after a very short small talk session, they just sign off. Texting is even worse. You text someone to try to remain visible and current in their lives, but sometimes they don't even reply back! What's up with that??

A friend of mine the other night just told me, "after college you just got your career and your friends..." He was referring to the lack of drama and other crap you have to put up with in college, and was saying how rudimentary it becomes afterwards. I start a full time job in the next couple of weeks. My goal is to not get burried with work, and purposely become invisible. My goal is to continue to love and support my friends I do have and to cherish our time together. I also strive to meet new people and make new connections, as I really want to volunteer, and get my hands dirty with something. I think the best antidote for invisibilty though is to just think about how God loves me and wants to have a relationship with me. As I close out this half blog-half venting session, I want to use a bible verse that I would love to dwell on to get me out of this funk!

How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! -Psalm 139: 17

Talk to ya later! God Bless!

Crazy People

First off, I'd like to say, Merry Christmas and Happy New Years everyone! I was going to try to come up with a Christmas themed blog, but I couldn't really think of anything!

Something did happen on Christmas Eve at work though that inspired me to write this blog. At this point I would like to say that by "crazy people" I don't mean people with mental illnesses, or chemical imbalance issues of any kind, because that is not a joking matter (and the PC police would for sure be after me!) But while I was at work, taking/preparing carryout orders, I got very flustered about a situation. Here's what happened...

Some older guy with dyed black hair came up to me and said that he had ordered two pumpkin supreme pies. I told him to hold on for just a few moments while I looked through the future orders report. While I was being extremely professional and said "hmm, looks like you're not on the future order reports.. let me check on the computer" he kept on repeating in a very harsh tone of voice "NO, NO NO! DONT TELL ME THAT! DONT TELL ME THAT! I ORDERED THOSE PIES THE OTHER DAY. I ORDERED THOSE PIES THE OTHER DAY! I ORDERED THOSE PIES THE OTHER DAY!

You get the picture

So, again, very professionally I said "I know sir, I understand. I'm so sorry. I dont know why you're not on here. Let me go ahead and ring you in those pies, I will talk to my KP person, and we'll get those pies out to you quickly okay?"

"THIS IS BULL S***! WHAT KIND OF OPERATION ARE YOU RUNNING HERE HUH? THIS IS BULL-S***!"

As soon as he exhausted himself from complaining the KP person quickly prepared his pies, and two minutes later I was bagging them up for him, while he was still complaining getting me all flustered.

Crazy People. I really don't understand them. First of all it's Christmas Eve, why not be more joyful? Secondly, if he would've just listened to me for a second instead of rant, he would've realized that we had his pies, it was just that the manager who took his order the previous night didn't enter his order in the computer, but just wrote it and put it in the office for future reference. Thirdly, I don't believe that pies is something to get that upset over, even if we did make a huge mistake. My friend worked at a call center for a couple of months, with customers calling in about TV problems. When I say "calling in" I mean "cussing out". And I've never seen my friend so upset and flustered in his life.

It's just food... It's just TV...

For everyone who works in a customer service role, I applaud you. They can suck the happiness right out of you. Even when you are being extremely professional, and doing everything you can, they don't return the favor by being resonable human beings. Please, send me your stories through Facebook or whatever, and we can vent together!

Merry Christmas!

The Power of Hugs

We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.
-Virginia Satir

I remember back in 2006, on the eve of "Move In Day" of my Freshman Year of college, I went to Dixie Chilli with my best friend, and my brother. My friend was going off to a different college the next day as well, so we weren't going to see each other for a couple of months. As we said our goodbyes, we stood there for a brief second, realizing that just a simple handshake, or a simple goodbye wasn't going to cut it. We had to do a classic man hug*. And just that one simple gesture described the impact of our friendship.

Before that I didn't really even discover a hug, with exceptions of course to my family. But during the course of college, almost after every semester, there was that week of finals where I'd say goodbye to my new friends. Sure, maybe I didn't hug all the Bobby Jones' who borrowed my notes to copy down for a midterm. But all those classmates-turned-friends who you have an instant connection with, surviving the course together, sometimes having to spend hours in the library for a project, or the accumulation of hours after class talking about how crazy the professor was. You just need to finish out that term with a simple hug.

Less is More

I think that this expression fits the bill when it comes to hugging. A simple hug tells the story of frienship, love, appreciation, affection, dependancy, and sometimes even vulnerability. As a Communication Studies major, my interest was learning about nonverbal communication, body language, and more specifically Haptics, the study of touch. I learned that an astounding 93% of our communication is nonverbal! But with all that being said, I still feel this power, and energy after a hug. I feel an increased sense of connection, and closeness, aside from the physical proximity.

There are, I believe, different types of hugging. There's that really soft, wimpy and polite type of hug, where you think to yourself Oh, they don't like being hugged. I'm invading their personal space. Of course with these hugs, it's alright and everything but you don't feel the power. I'm mainly talking about the real, sincere, firm hugs, in which you feel the connection, and very relationship between the person and yourself. I remember on one of those final exam weeks, I said goodbye to a friend in my class with a hug. In my mind's eye, I was just visualizing her giving me a polite hug. But she gave me a real hug, holding it in place for a few seconds. That made my whole week, and sometimes that's tough during finals week!

I want to finish off this blog by showing you this 'chart' for lack of a better term. These are the levels of touch, according to me. Now I also want to say at this point, I mainly have this in mind with flirting (a whole blog about flirting will come at a later date!), or male/female relationships for example, but this could also be for all you bro's out there. Don't fear the hug!

"Levels of Touch"
1. Point/Tap
2. Highfive, or knuckles
3. Hold Shoulder/Massage Shoulder, etc
4. Highfive Hug (prolonged highfives, where you interlock fingers/hold in place
5. Double Highfive Hug
6. One handed hug/side hug
7. Normal Hug (Polite, quicker, less of a hold)
8. Real Hug w/ hold
---
Unchartered Territory!


*Man Hug* (as defined by Eric) - You go for a normal handshake with your righthand, you proceed to shake hands while you reach back, and pat your friends back two times.

Self Help

Like most 22 year old guys, I went to the library the other week and looked around their "Self Help" section, in search for inspiration (okay, maybe I'm the only guy that would do such a thing!) I rented out two books: One being "the Unofficial Guide to Excel 2003". So far I figured out how to do alot of different things to help me out with the program. Hopefully by the time I'm done I could be "intermediate" with it. The second book I picked up there, had a lady on it with big white teeth with the title "Stand Up For Your Life". And so far it's really helping me out.

While I love the self help section, I also tend to be very skeptical. Some of the books I read over the years just weren't striking the chords, deep from within. They were just okay. Also one of the first thoughts that came across my mind when I picked this one up was, I bet this is very secular, which won't help me all too much.

On the contrary!

Cheryl Richardson, the author of this book "Stand Up for Your Life", uses phrases like "Divine Assignment" (aka your purpose in life), and improving your "spiritual development". While she doesnt come out and say that she's a christian, and preaches chapter by chapter, it's very clear.

The other reason why I love this book so much, is she calls it, and treats it like, a progam. There are multiple sections in a chapter, and each section I feel like she tells me to write something in my journal, or do something that day, or week. The hardest assignment she had me do was narrow down my four essential values, from a list of about 25. Not only did I refine them, and change them numerous times, but I also had to write 10 things I needed to change in my life to mirror my 4 essential values. Deep stuff! I couldn't even read on without first completing this task!

Hopefully near the end I will be able to unlock my hidden potential, build up my confidence, and courage, and just be a force to be reckoned with! I know that there's a better me out there, and with the power of God, I'm going to find him!

Crying

I remember when I was six years old, and I fell down to the hard sidewalk. My knee was gushing with blood, and I just starting bawling! It seems to me though that I fell alot when I was a kid. Especially during the terrible two's, you see those toddlers fall (actually sometimes it's quite funny), and they have this 3 second delayed reaction, and then they start crying.

When we get older, we don't cry during physical falls anymore, but we still cry during falls. When we get older, there are so many other things that make us emotional, and that we worry and stress over. For me, I bundle up my emotions inside, and sometimes this "grenade" that I create just goes off, and I loose it!

In the Bible it mentions how we should be like the children are. I think in a lot of ways we are children, especially in God's eyes. Whenever I cry, and sometimes even bawl, I often pray too, and those are the moments at times where I feel God's presence the most, and where I just feel the most vulnerable.

That's why I think in alot of ways a good cry is needed every now and then. It makes me feel like I'm more of a child, and makes me feel more dependent on my Father. And I think that's the way it should be.

Now, I have to admit at this point, I think I cry more than the average guy. But I don't care, I'm not going to hide under this "macho" shell or anything like alot of guys do. To end this blog, I would like to share with you a clip that made me cry uncontrollably. It's the last scene from the movie Rudy, where he finally gets a chance to play for Notre Dame, his dream. I think that everybody connects with an underdog story, and this is the best one out there. I guess I connected with it a little too much!

Enjoy! :)

What Do They Got, That I Don't Got?

Some guys have all the luck
Some guys have all the pain
Some guys have all the breaks
Some guys do nothing but complain
-Rod Stewart


Throughout the last couple of years, I've constantly had these three goals in my head...

1) Independence
2) A Career
3) A Significant Other

Now, as I look around my peer groups, I realize all around me that alot of them have this. One friend has independence (aka bachelor pad), and a good career. Another friend not only has a signficant other, but he's on the cusp of getting married. I often tell my friends that their successes are my successes, and how I love watching them accomplish their goals and dreams. But sometimes, theres that question that always arises, "what do they got, that I dont got?"

This blog isnt going to be a laundry list of my complaints, and vendetta's against the lucky. In fact it's going to be about my candor and convictions. Tonight, I want to talk about one of, what I think, the worst feelings: Jealousy.

Jealousy doesnt allow me to share my friends successes. Instead it just allows me to wallow up in anger and loneliness. Sometimes (well, maybe even most of the time) I have jealousy as a default response. Let's say my friend gets in a relationship. Instead of my first reaction being joy, and happiness, wanting to wish my friend the best, theres that slight reaction of jealousy, and almost even anger. But anger at what? Myself? Society? or worse... God?

Jealousy is something that I need to get rid of to become more emotionally, and spiritually healthy. Again I feel as if its one of the worst feelings in the world, and its one of those sins that I have trouble with.

So instead of thinking, "well what do they got, that I dont got?" I just want to vanquish jealousy, and say "wow, im so glad they're doing well, and I'm so glad to share they're excitement! let's all go to Olive Garden! I'm buying!" :)