Last year, I had the worst anxiety of my life, seemingly coming out of nowhere. Most of it had to do with stress at work, but it was affecting me physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I remember in my men's small group on Monday nights, before summer transitioned into fall, I would pace around the room while talking, and even listening to others. I couldn't sit still. My appetite even changed... I noticed at Subway, where before I put down foot longs of that oven roasted chicken, I was then only able to eat the 6 inch.
I remember during that time too, I prayed often for God to take away my anxiety. I didn't want to bear it any longer. It would continue though entering into the winter months. Anxiety is a curious thing to where I would be anxious for the things unknown to come out and get me. It felt like this nagging, creeping thing always in my head that would never let me go. Kind of like a wrestling match, where you are constantly struggling to get up from being pinned to the ground.
During these challenging months I could have ran away from my faith. I could have abandoned Him, and just said, "well hey if I have so much pain in my life, then God must have abandoned me. I will abandon Him." But.. I didn't. I ran to Him even harder, feeling like I needed Him even more.
God remains faithful, even if we are not. God never changes even though we often do. While my world was rocky, and things inside and out were changing all around, the only thing that made sense was to run to a God who was never changing, and always present. I would spend hours and hours just praying, and reflecting, and in His word, and just seeking Godly counsel. There were days where I felt God during these times like I've never felt him before.
I think that is why God allowed this anxiety to attack me, because He knew that it would strengthen my relationship with Him. I still don't really know why I had the anxiety like I did (and to this day I have my ups and downs), but I think I came out on the other end stronger. I also think because I had this battle, I am able to be a help to others struggling with anxiety.
I think we have to take the good with the bad, because I think we need both to strengthen our relationship with God. I think if we just run away from the bad, or if the bad didn't exist at all, then in our hearts we may feel like we don't even need something bigger than ourselves to get through life.
If you are going through a season of your life with anxiety, keep running towards God, and towards His word to get you through this. With good times, or bad, He will always remain faithful.
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